FRIENDS  Season 11
by rycroft17
Summary: What if...Friends stayed on the air? Find out in my show.
1. The One With The Empty Apartment

**F.R.I.E.N.D.S – Season 11**

**The One with the Empty Apartment**

[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Ross, Chandler, and Mike are sitting on the couches]

Joey: Oh my god!  
Monica: I know!  
Phoebe: So, you guys are moving away and you want your last conversation to be about me sleeping with Monica's ex-boyfriend Jason Hurley?  
Mike: A little uncomfortable here!

Rachel: Well, there's nothing else to talk about.

_Long pause._

Joey: I'm thinking of buying a bunny rabbit! 

**Opening Sequence**

[Scene: Outside Central Perk. Rachel, Phoebe, Mike, Joey and Ross are waving goodbye to Monica, Chandler, Jack and Erica.]

Phoebe: Bye you guys!  
Joey: Have fun!  
Ross: See you soon!  
Chandler: We'll call you when we get there.

Rachel: Well make sure Monica calls us because she's more fun.

_Monica and Chandler drive off._

Ross: Hey, Rach, I was wondering, do you wanna maybe go out tonight?  
Rachel: OK, I guess there's no harm in that.

Ross: Where do you wanna go?  
Rachel: Well, there's this movie I've been dying to see, so we could go to that.

Ross: Sure.

Rachel: Oh but there is a new restaurant opening. Oh god, restaurant or movie. Restaurant or movie. Restaurant or movie?  
Ross: Take your time!

[Scene: Joey's Apartment. Joey arrives.]

Joey: Time for my nap.

_Joey walks into his bedroom, only to see two chicks on his bed. He screams, and runs out of the room._

[Scene: Phoebe and Mike's Apartment. Phoebe and Mike are sitting down, watching TV, when Joey runs in.]

Phoebe: Joey? What are you doing here?  
Joey: I ran so fast. The chick and the duck had chicks!  
Mike: I thought you gave the chicks to Chandler.

Joey: I know!

Phoebe: Well, if you want to be peaceful for a bit, go lie down on our bed.

Joey: Okay then.

_Joey walks into Phoebe and Mike's bedroom, only to see the chick and the duck on their bed. He screams again, and runs to Phoebe and Mike._

Mike: What happened?  
Joey: The chick and the duck are on your bed!  
Phoebe: Oh yea, Chandler didn't want them.

[Scene: The corridor which you walk through to go to Monica and Chandler's old apartment, and Joey's apartment. A young blonde girl walks through the door, with Mr. Treeger.]

Young Blonde Girl: Thanks for the keys. I'm Jessica, the new girl.

Treeger: Well, it's a lovely place. You should get settled in.

_Treeger walks off. We see Joey running back to his apartment. He spots Jessica._

Joey: Yowza!  
Jessica: Hi. We haven't met. I'm Jessica, I'm moving into this apartment.

Joey: Hi, I'm Joey. I was great friends with the people who just moved out. Hey, are you single? Because, if I went out with you, it's not like I could sleep with you then cut you off because you're right across the hall from me.

Jessica: I sure am. Hey, do you wanna go out tonight?  
Joey: Sure thing.

Jessica: And, just out of interest, you don't really do the whole sleep with me and then cut me off to other people do you?

Joey: No, no. I was just joking.

**Commercial Break**

[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are on the couches. Joey and Jessica walk in.]

Jessica: Thanks for the tour, Joey. It was wonderful.

_Mike gets a startled face._

Mike: Oh, dear god, no.

Phoebe: What?

Jessica: Mike?

Mike: Jessica?  
_Mike and Jessica hug._

Phoebe: You guys know each other?

Jessica: Well, we used to date.

Mike: And we ended on 'good' terms.

Jessica: How's Bitsy?  
Mike: She's great. She misses you.

Jessica: Oh, how nice. Well, I should get packing in my new house!

_Jessica exits._

Mike: Wait, she's not moving into Mon and Chan's old place is she?  
Joey: She sure is! And I am so gonna ask her out!  
Mike: Wait a minute! Don't do that!

Joey: Why not?  
Mike: Because she is a dangerous creature.

_Mike carries on talking, but he becomes inaudible. The cameras zoom in on Joey as we listen to his thoughts._

Joey (in his head): Blah, blah, blah. So what? She's hot! She loves the Joester! 

[Scene: Cinema. Rachel is crying on Ross' lap.]

Rachel: It's so sad! They are meant to be together!  
Ross: I know! Why did it end out this way?  
Male Character in Movie: But Melissa. I thought we were on a break!  
Rachel: Oh god.

Female Character in Movie: But Mark, that gave you no right to do such thing!  
Ross: Oh god.

_Long pause._

Ross: WE WERE ON A BREAK!

**Closing Credits**

[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel and Ross are on couches.]

Rachel: I cannot talk to you right now, Ross, I just can't.

Ross: But Rach, I did have the right to do such thing!  
Rachel: Maybe we should split up.

Ross: Or take a break, I guess.

_Monica and Chandler walk in._

Rachel: Oh my god!  
Ross: What are you doing here?  
Monica: Well, we've been doing a lot of thinking.

Chandler: And Westchester isn't as homely as we thought it was.

Monica: We want to move back to New York!  
_Applause from crowd. Show ends._


	2. The One With The Bad Tasting Lips

**The One ****with the Bad Tasting Lips**

Previously on FRIENDS  
_Monica and Chandler walk into Central Perk._  
Ross: What are you doing here?  
Monica: We want to move back to New York!  
_Applause from crowd. Show ends._

[Scene: Central Perk. Rachel, Ross, Monica and Chandler are inside.]

Rachel: Oh my god, you guys! What do you mean?  
Ross: You just moved away!  
Monica: We know, but it didn't feel right.

Chandler: All of those moving vans just made us think. We need to be here.

Rachel: But what are you going to do with your house?  
Monica: We're going to sell it, and then we're going to move back into our old apartment.

Ross: Somebody else moved there last week. Petite girl, blonde hair, had a Russian accent.

Chandler: Joey's already hit on her, hasn't he?  
Ross: Yep.

Rachel: He sure has.

**Opening Sequence**

[Scene: Joey's Apartment. Jessica and Joey stumble in.]

Jessica: That was a great night!

Joey: I know! When we said it was our wedding anniversary, they gave us all the food for free!  
Jessica: I really like being with you Joey.

Joey: You are so great, Jessica.

_Jessica and Joey kiss. All of a sudden, Joey runs to the bathroom._  
Jessica: Joey? Are you alright? 

[Scene: Central Perk. Joey, Mike and Phoebe are sitting down.]

Phoebe: What do you mean, her lips tasted like vomit?  
Joey: They did? I just threw up straight away!  
Phoebe: Mike, did you ever have that with Jessica?  
Mike: Oh yea. All the time! That's why I broke up with her.

Joey: You should've warned me!  
Mike: I did. The other day. Just you weren't listening.

Joey: God dammit. Listen Joey, listen! 

[Scene: Realtor's office. Monica and Chandler are inside with a realtor.]

Realtor: Are you sure you want to go through with this?

Monica: Yes. We are sure.

Chandler: Absolutely.

Monica: Of course.

Chandler: Any time.

Monica: Don't do it!  
Realtor: I'm sorry?  
Monica: We've just bought this house. Not just for us, for the kids. Chandler, we can't move.

Chandler: Well, I want to go back to New York.

Monica: I guess we have to make a decision then.

**Commercial Break**

[Scene: Realtor's office. Monica and Chandler start to exit]

Monica: So, we will come to you with a decision by next week.

Realtor: That is your deadline. Make sure you think this one through.

Monica: Of course.

_Monica exits._

Chandler (to Realtor): Can I just ask, as I am quite stressed out at this moment in time, is there an X-rated video store near here?  
_Realtor storms off._

[Scene: Ross' apartment. Rachel and Ross are cuddling]

Ross: I am so glad we made this work.

Rachel: I know. Hey, out of interest, do you still have that Sex for Dummies book?  
Ross: What?  
Rachel: It's just I want to feel more intimate around you and I can't do it.

Ross: Rachel, you're fine as you are.

Rachel: I know, it's just that I wanna be creative. Remember that date we had when we watched the porno movie and the undercover cop put her gun in her…

Ross: Too much information!  
Rachel: All I'm saying is, I'm not a baby mama anymore, and Emma's growing up. I just want to be the old Rachel. The wild Rachel. The sexy Rachel.

Ross: Are you saying you don't want any more kids?

Rachel: Honey, if I become the wild Rachel again we'll be making more kids! Unless you wear the 200 condoms I bought at the store today.

Ross: I want another kid, Rachel.

Rachel: What?  
Ross: I want a boy. Someone I can play soccer with, and have conversations with.

Rachel: You have Ben, sweetie.

Ross: Ben? He's practically my daughter. I mean, brought up by two women? That's obviously the reason behind him telling me his dream is to become a fashion designer!

Rachel: Oh, god, Ross, I'm not ready yet.

Ross: Well I am, Rachel, I am!  
Rachel: Well I'm the one who has to deliver them little whiners out of my area, so I make the decisions this time!  
Ross: Well I guess we should split this time!  
Rachel: Maybe we should!  
_Rachel storms out and slams the door in Ross' face._

**Closing Credits**

[Scene: Jessica's apartment. Phoebe walks in.]

Phoebe: Hey, Jessica.

Jessica: Hi, Phoebe.

Phoebe: Listen, something's been on my mind recently, and it's to do with you.

Jessica: Really?  
Phoebe: Yes. See, here's the thing.

_Phoebe leans into Jessica and kisses her._

Jessica: What just happened?

Phoebe: Wow, Joey and Mike were right, clean your teeth a little, you Russian…doll! 


	3. The One With All The Moving

**The One ****with All the Moving**

[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, Joey and Mike are on the couches.]

Phoebe: So, that's it? You're just asking for the apartment back?  
Monica: Oh please! It will be a piece of cake getting it back.

Mike: So what, are you gonna pay Jessica to move out?  
Monica: Ten

Joey: What? Ten dollars?  
Monica: Twenty thousand, Joey.  
Chandler: Still, I highly doubt that a girl who bought an $80,000 apartment will move out for just $10,000. But I may be wrong! 

**Opening Sequence**

[Scene: Ross's Apartment. Ross and Monica are inside.]

Ross: I'd rather not talk about it.

Phoebe: Ross, you told me the story. Twice.

Ross: It's just, she lives here. And we're separating. It's too weird, you know?  
Phoebe: Ross, I heard this part. So, is she moving out?

Ross: I guess so. But, I thought when she got off the plane…

Phoebe: It would be happily ever after and nothing would ever come between you again.

Ross: I said that part, didn't I?

_Phoebe nods her head._

[Scene: Jessica's Apartment. Only Jessica is inside. Monica storms in.]

Jessica: I should really start locking this door.

Monica: Jessica, me and my family want to move back here.

Jessica: Wow, I think you need a better debate than that!  
Monica: Listen, From Russia With Love. My family want to have a happy life. You are young! You can go out, and get drunk, but I can't. I have to stay here and work, and this is the best place for me to work. So you go get a job, get a life and get knocked up, because you can experience it. I love this place, and this is where I want to live again. Please, Jessica, please.

_Long pause. Monica grabs a cheque book and starts writing._

Monica: And here…is $10,000.

Jessica: That's fine. Take your money back. I can move out. Just, I have no family, and nobody to go to when I do.

[Scene: Joey's Apartment. Jessica and Joey are inside.]

Jessica: Really, Joey? I can move in with you?

Joey: Yeah! And don't worry; there are breath mints on your bed, because you do need some.

Jessica: Excuse me?  
Joey: Here, take $10,000.

**Commercial Break**

[Scene: Ross's Apartment. Ross is inside. Rachel storms in.]

Rachel: Hey.

Ross: Hi.

Rachel: Can we talk?  
Ross: Let's.

_Rachel and Ross sit down on the coach._

Rachel: Listen. Forget what I said. Kids would be exciting.

Ross: Well, actually…

Rachel: It's just the idea shocked me before, but I've thought that I used to play with my dolls as a little girl, and two kids is my dream life.

Ross: But, Rach…

Rachel: So, I'm sorry for all I said. Do you want to go into the bedroom and make out?

Ross: Rachel. I've got a date tonight.

Rachel: What? Who with?  
Ross: This librarian called Rita. We were talking today, and I asked her out.

Rachel: You asked her out?  
Ross: What's wrong with that?

Rachel: I thought we were still together!  
Ross: Rach, I'm not playing the game again, we split up last week.

Rachel: I'm sorry. It's just….what kind of name is Rita?

Ross: That's not the problem, is it?

Rachel: No. I love you.

Ross: I love you too, but we can't have an on-off relationship.

Rachel: Well let's just make it an on one!

Ross: Or not.

_Ross walks away. Rachel looks heartbroken._

[Scene: A fancy restaurant. Ross and Rita are eating.]

Rita: And that's when we worked out that he hadn't checked the book out!

Ross: Funny story, funny story.

_Rita starts another story, but becomes inaudible. We start to hear Ross's thoughts._

Ross: Wait a minute. I love Rachel. I do. I can see what she's on about, now. But, no Ross. You broke up with her last week. You can't do this. No, you love her. No, you hate her. No, you love her.

_Rita becomes audible again_  
Rita: Ross? Ross? Hello?  
Ross: I'm sorry. I got lost in your eyes.

Rita: How sweet. We will sure last.

_In Ross's thoughts again._  
Ross: Wow, I need more interesting dates! 

**Closing Credits**

[Scene: Monica and Chandler's Apartment. Monica and Chandler are on the couch. They are watching a movie.]

Monica: I'm guessing it's because you were mainly brought up by your mother, but we just watched Guys and Dolls, I am not watching Hairspray!  
_Rachel walks in with a glum look on her face._  
Rachel: Hi, you guys.

Monica: Sweetie, what's the matter?  
Rachel: Can I live with you for a while?  
Monica: Sure.

Chandler: As long as you don't disturb me on Tuesdays, that's Chandler Time.

Rachel: What's Chandler Time?  
Chandler: A few X-rated videos.

Monica: Ahem! (To Rachel) It's his Broadway Musical Marathon.

_Rachel bursts into laughter._

Chandler: You don't tell guests that!

Monica: It cheered her up! 


	4. The One With The Accidental Meeting

**The One ****with the Accidental Meeting**

[Scene: Monica, Rachel and Chandler's Apartment. Monica and Chandler are in the living room, and Rachel walks into the living room from the bedroom.]

Rachel: Morning.

Chandler: Morning.

Monica: How did you sleep?  
Rachel: Well, I stayed in bed looking at all of my Ross mementos, and when I finished it was morning, but otherwise, pretty well!  
Monica: Listen, I'm going shopping down at the mall later, do you wanna come, and it might cheer you up.

Rachel: Thanks Mon.

Chandler: Hey, I might come down with you, and look in the Men's section down at that new place.

Monica: I caught you flirting with the store manager. Chandler, you're married!  
Chandler: I know, but can't a guy have a fantasy once in a lifetime?

**Opening Sequence**

[Scene: Jessica and Joey's Apartment. Both are inside.]

Jessica: Hey, Joey, do you have a child or something?  
_Joey laughs._  
Joey: No? What makes you think that?  
Jessica: Well there was this toy penguin in your room…

Joey: Huggsy?

_Joey runs into his room, and then comes back out._

Joey: He's OK.

Jessica: Listen, do you wanna go out tonight?  
Joey: Another date?  
Jessica: Is something wrong?  
Joey: No. Everything's fine. Sure.

Jessica: I'll take you somewhere tonight.

[Scene: Strip club. Jessica drags Joey inside.]

Joey: A strip club? Cool!  
Jessica: I know, right?  
Joey: I've never had a girlfriend so awesome!  
Jessica: It gets even better.

_Jessica jumps onto a pole and starts dancing. Joey's eyebrows raise._

Joey: You know, I think only the strippers are allowed to do that.

[Scene: Central Perk. Mike, Phoebe and Joey are on the couches.]

Joey: You never told me she was a stripper!  
Mike: I did! Just you weren't listening. Again!  
Joey: I guess I need listening lessons.

Phoebe: Mike, you dated a stripper?

_Long pause._

Mike: A little.

Phoebe: Well that's OK. Because so did I!  
Joey: Is that why you broke up with her?  
Mike: No. She's gonna get a lot worse. I would tell you why, but you won't listen.

_Long pause._

Joey: Sorry, what did you say, I wasn't listening.

[Scene: Shopping Mall. Rachel and Monica are shopping.]

Monica: Rach, what do you think of this dress?  
Rachel: I love it, Mon!

Monica: Great, I'll go try it on.

_Monica walks off with the dress._

Rachel: Fashion disaster!  
Ross: That's my sister for you.

_Ross is standing behind Rachel._

Rachel: Ross? Hi. Did you follow me here?  
Ross: No. A little bit. Yes, I followed you here. Listen, I want to talk to you.

Rachel: We've talked twice already; I don't want to talk again.

_Ross kisses Rachel. There is a long pause._

Rachel: I guess that's quicker than talking.

**Commercial Break**

[Scene: Jessica and Joey's Apartment. Jessica stumbles out of Joey's bedroom.]

Jessica: And that, my dear friend, is stripper sex.

Joey: Oh, dear God!  
Jessica: What's wrong?  
Joey: Listen, I can't see you any more.

Jessica: Why not?  
Joey: I can't see a stripper! You should have just told me about it!  
Jessica: Joey, I love you. I'll give it up if I need to.

Joey: First of all, you just told me you love me, so we need to slow things down a little. This does lead me to my next point – if you're willing to give it up for me, I'll stay with you.

Jessica: Oh, great! Just, if I give it up, you're gonna have to take the pay check out of my panties.

Joey: Wow that is a lot of money. You know what? Keep the job.

Jessica: Really?  
Joey: It's your love – dancing on poles and putting money near your thing.

Jessica: Thank you Joe.

_Jessica kisses Joey and walks out of the room._

Joey: I guess it's worth it!

[Scene: Phoebe and Mike's apartment. Mike walks in with a briefcase, looking tired.]

Phoebe: Had a long day at work, Big Boy?  
_The camera turns to Phoebe, dressed in just her underwear and leaning on a stripper pole._

Mike: WOW.

Phoebe: Do you like it?  
Mike: I love it, but why?

Phoebe: I feel quite intimidated by Jessica.

Mike: Don't worry. That is why I split with her, because of her stripping career. And she did a bit of porn aswell.

Phoebe: Oh my god, so did I!  
_There is a long pause._

Phoebe: Try and forget that I said that.

Mike: I love you for who you are, Phoebe. That's why I married you. Don't feel intimidated at all, because you are the best woman I have ever been with.

Phoebe: Thank you so much. But can we still go make out?  
Mike: Sure!  
_Phoebe and Mike run to the bedroom._

**Closing Credits**

[Scene: Monica, Rachel and Chandler's Apartment. Rachel walks in.]

Rachel: Listen, you guys. I and Emma are moving out.

Chandler: Why?  
Rachel: I'm back with Ross.

Monica: Already?  
Rachel: We kissed, and it felt so right.

Chandler: Well, us four do need a bit of space, so whenever you can move out.

_Rachel walks into her soon to be old bedroom._

Monica: I said they'd get back together! You owe me five bucks.


End file.
